Next Up: Curing the Common Cold

Things I Have Done Today in an Effort to Avoid Doing Homework:

• Watched the last two episodes of the previous season of House, M.D.
• Cried a lot at the last episode of the previous season of House, M.D.
• Laughed away the tears by watching the first episode of the previous …

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

My coworker was recently teasing a baby who was trying in vain to put her chubby baby foot in her tiny baby mouth. Another coworker walked by and made a comment about that not being as difficult as it looked, which made the first coworker scoff. A guffaw was also …

Plenty of Sunshine Headin' My Way

Things That Made My Heart Flutter Today:

• A little tornado of golden leaves that came to life in the middle of the street
• Realizing that I am friends with multiple people who will let me ramble about dragon stores
• Daydreaming about taking a year off to simply read and …

Amber Is the Color of Your Energy

In case you hadn't heard, this is my favorite time of the year. Sorry for the backdated posting again. I'm busy enjoying the leaves. I suggest you do the same.

Whistle While You Work

Confession: I do not have the best attitude about my job. I work at a church, so you'd think everything would be wonderful. But hey, Christians are people, too, and let's just say that it is sometimes glaringly obvious that we need a Savior.

I was put in my place …

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

To those who have asked: I did not turn down any of the marriage proposals directly, but I would only seriously consider marrying two of the boys who asked. I would leave either of them for Elijah Wood.

Elijah Wood, I'm Still Waiting

Number of marriage proposals this month: 5

Number of boyfriends this year: 0

Number of calculators required to figure out how stupid that is: 42

Life is such a tease sometimes.

In Case This College Thing Doesn't Work Out

Because I'm too lazy for my normal Lazyskirts bullet-point cop-out of an entry, here is an obnoxiously hyphenated sentence followed by a quote from an IM conversation.

Me: So you are burnt, bruised, ignored, thirsty, and sick?

Him: sure, throw in "hungry" and I think …

We Give You Thanks for Californiaaa, Here We Come

I wasn't too thrilled when my cell phone alarm clock went off in the middle of church during prayer, but at least it was playing "California" by Phantom Planet and not "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake.

Note to self: buy more church-appropriate ringtones next time, stupidface!

Pew Pew!

We were walking around the campus loop late one night, passing the small white chapel building just as several upright students were leaving a prayer gathering. You were playing the Mission Impossible theme song on your cell phone, and we were ducking behind lamp posts …

My Room is a Time Capsule

I recently sold my TI-83+ and TI-89 calculators to a coworker, since her children needed them for school. The most difficult math I'm allowed to touch as a fledgling business major is addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division -- limited to one function per …

Catch-22: Hermit Edition

Many people trim down their budgets during tough economic times by going out less -- cutting down on trips to restaurants, movie theaters, the mall, Starbucks, etc. But what of the poor hermit? He doesn't leave the house as is, so what should he forfeit? Food? What …

Stubbornness Kills the Cat Again

Eight-year-old Rachelskirts hated folding socks. She hated helping with laundry in general (or with any chores, for that matter), but sock-folding was one of her least favorite aspects of the job.

Twenty-three-year-old Rachelskirts no longer folds her socks in neat …

Time to Calculate Manufacturing Overhead! Yeehaw!

Topics Covered Whilst Working on Accounting Take-Home Test with Four Girls:

• Teachers, classmates, classes
• Hairstyles
• Cosmetics
• Lasik eye surgery
• Boys, boyfriends, etc.
• Christmas and birthday presents given by boyfriends
• Strip clubs
• Lap dances
• Breast cancer
• Breast …

Internet, Say Hello to the Puppy

I think I forgot to mention this two months ago, but HEY, we got a puppy a while back. Right after our Sober in Milwaukee trip, actually. His name is Shadow, and he's a four-month-old Border Collie. His proper name is Shadow of the Shire, which we just decided by …

More Talk of Cat Ladies

Some great comments have been made this week about the whole cat lady thing. I'd like to expound on a few of them now.

The only thing you forgot is to use some of that fine china for the kitties. A little saucer of milk at each of the other empty place settings. Yay …

My Momma Raised a Quitter

In my desperation to get out of the house this week, I lay in bed one night fantasizing about my escape. I would somehow get the church to give me an advance on my pay, which shouldn't be too hard, since everyone there loves me. Plus, my mother is the bookkeeper, so I …

Sneaky Pete

I frequently pass a tree and firewood place on the way to work. The business has one of those signs out front where you can change out the letters to spell whatever quirky message best suits your mood. The owners seem to struggle with a terrible sense of humor, and I …

I Prefer Catbert, Personally

Are there really that many Garfield fans, or are people just unable to figure out how to remove the suction-cup paws from the backseat window?

Until Frodo Baggins Becomes President, That Is

Dear Guy Who I Have Now Seen on Two Separate Occasions Wearing a Top Hat to School:

Let's make out under the bleachers.

Dear Classmates Who May or May Not Know This Guy:

Just kidding about the making-out-with-the-Abe-Lincoln-wannabe thing. I'll leave the dead …