well, here it goes,

i'll go ahead and be honest that i am full of false confidences. to begin with 80% of the time i feel as though i have no business being enrolled in art school. so many others are so talented and inspired i just feel as though i'm a fake. a fraud in the idea of actually being an artist. but then again, there is nothing else i am remotely good at other then equine sciences, and i can't imagine being a horse trainer the rest of my life. well, i am also good at complaining, but, i don't think there is any good career opportunities in that area. (heh).

maybe i should just drop out of school and be a waif.

but anyways, maybe i am just wallowing in my own self-pity because i've been sick lying in bed all day, mindlessly surfing the internet, and going brain dead going through my collection of dvds. maybe i should be doing something productive ? nah, for i am the queen of procrastination.

i hate to just moan and grow but lately i feel uncomfortable in my own skin. lately i feel so self- conscious. i need a hair cut, i need to lose 10lbs. all i wanted was for the people i know and love to be proud of me. it feels so unreachable. even the guy i've bee seeing refuses to admit we're together to other people... i just want some one to be proud of me, someone to respect the fact that i'm trying my best to change.

oh well.
enough of my pity party.