Took one last look at my ex before sending the email to trash. He looks so different...a lot more aged. He actually looks his age now. Maybe this past year was too hard for him...Stress? Depression? Heartbreak?

Oh, but he's a "rock star" now. I just want to shake him and say, "Settle the fuck down! You're too old for this shit...just settle down and be happy".

Never.

He belongs to the world, to his "dear" friends whom he worships, to his dreams, not to me. And it will always, always be that way. Always. He'll never see that I kept him young, that I wanted to love him, that I wanted to make him happy. He'll never see the outcome of his life if he would have stayed to love me whole-heartedly. If he would have just let go, and loved me. Just let go.

Oh but the other women in his life had treated him badly, and he in turn had to treat me the same. Fuck those other women. I wanted, WANTED to be there for him. I never used him for anything. I wasn't like those other women. I wasn't. But he had it all figured out in advance, that I was out to screw him over, so he had to do it to me first. Logic.

My look how he's aged...