Today is my last day at Alex HS. I can't even wrap my mind around the fact that I'm going to be back on American soil in about 72 hours. I won't lie to you; I'm not ready to come home just yet. Don't get me wrong, if you're reading this it probably means that we're good friends, so don't worry, I do miss you. I am just torn at the moment. I got an email from Kelly Blaser yesterday in which she described how she felt when she had to leave Italy. "I'm sure you are starting to have mixed feelings about coming back, that's how it was with me in Italy. You love it there, and its nothing like what you are coming back to, but part of you misses everyone here and just the little things America has." This is exactly how I feel right now. There is not a part of me that does not miss home. I definitely do. But there's also not a part of me that hasn't fallen in love with South Africa and its people. To combine these two worlds would be ideal. Whether it's in two years or ten, I have to come back. I wish I could add emphasis on the words "have to," but there's no italics option. Jeanine (host "mom," more like "sister"), Janine (cooperating teacher), and sweet Megan have become such dear friends to me, not to mention the wonderful people I had the privilege of working with everyday. I have a feeling that email and text messaging won't suffice in keeping in touch, just as emailing and text messaging friends from home has not sufficed while I've been here. I am going back. Who's coming with?

In another email I received from my dear friend Brad Hardekopf, I was asked what's gone on while I've been here. Juxtaposed to this query was a challenge: to dive deep in my response. Brad is a wonderful writer and always has something beautifully deep to say about life. When I began to type my response, I realized I had absolutely no idea what to write. I sat there in the school's computer lab dumbfounded. I knew the Lord had been working on me over the past few months in so many different ways, but I had no idea what it all was. How do you explain to someone else what God's been doing in your life if you can't even make sense of it yourself? At that moment, two words crept into my mind: "Be still." Sometimes this phrase seems hackneyed and like an empty request, but as soon as I thought these words, I tried to remember the last time I stopped what I was doing and was just still before the Lord. My mind was forced to go all the way back to the beginning of October. Sure, I've prayed. Sure, I've read my Bible. But I forgot to pay attention to what God was specifically doing in me. I have taken Brad's challenge to heart and am currently trying to allow the Father to help me make sense of all this. A few things I do know:

I miss having community. I have a much better understanding now why the Apostle Paul encouraged--rather, demanded--that Christians be a part of a church body. It is absolutely necessary. I desire corporate worship daily. I've been to church several times since I've been here, but there's something to say for worshipping with the people you love. Even though I go to church here, I'm not a part of the church here. Three months is not enough time to make church family, especially since I could only go on the weekends I wasn't traveling (which wasn't much to be honest). I also miss having friends a knock or a staircase away that offer spiritual encouragement. It's amazing how much that encouragement helps in your attempts to live the Christian life. It's hard without it, and that's a fact. You can definitely build strong friendships in three months, as I have experienced, but in three months you cannot build friendships that equal the friendships that began four years ago or more. With that said, I have been forced into full dependence on the Father. Now, we preach that all the time, you know, to be fully dependent on Him. But let's be honest, it's a lot easier to be fully dependent when everyone around you is doing the same thing. And can we have two honest moments one right after the other? How many times have we found our dependence on say, a Bible Study leader or a preacher? Often times if I'm not careful, I find myself depending on one of these to tell me what my next step should be in life or how I can make my relationship with God better. Here, away from anyone that I could possibly depend on, I had no choice but to be dependent on Jesus and the good Word the Father provided us for answers to such questions. Through my desire for community, I gained an even stronger desire for HIM. I say, that's good. Man, HE's good.

There is more that He's been up to. I'm sure of it. However, this is it for my South African online journal. I'll be home shortly, and I won't be writing on this thing anymore. I appreciate all the emails and prayers. I took literally literally literally over 1400 pictures, so if you're wondering what South Africa is like, I might be able to show you a few things. I'm sitting here trying to figure out a clever way to end this thing, but I've got nothing. So I'll allow someone else's words to end it. These were words from Jesus to the disciples just before he was taken up to Heaven, but hey, let's be crazy and apply it to our own lives. If you recall my, I believe, second entry, you'll understand how this is relevant: "He said to them: 'IT IS NOT FOR YOU TO KNOW THE TIMES OR DATES the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, AND TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH" (Acts 1:7,8). Praise God. Amen.