I'm still creating career profiles and doing career industry research and more blah blah blahs ... sometimes that just gets boring and energy sucking dull.. So I've decided to spice it up a bit by mixing reality with humor.

Career Title: Funeral Director

Short Summary: Funeral directors arrange the details and handle the communications with a variety of services for funerals.

Significant Points:

• EVERYBODY is going to die, the supply and demand is endless.


• You'll make more money being able to suck the shit out of people and filling them up with the same shit that dumbasses are using for hallucinate drugs.


• You can be a Goth 24/7 and buy coffins at wholesale prices


• You get to drive a hearse


• They earn a decent salary and did I mention you can be a goth 24/7 AND get coffins at wholesale prices?

Nature of the Work:

Funeral directors interview the family to learn what the family member wants in regard to the preparation and funeral services. It is not okay to say "no shit?!" when a death has occurred in a spectacular way. In addition, it's usually frowned upon to ask clergy members how many times they've seen The Exorcist and what was their favorite part of the movie was.

Sometimes the deceased leaves detailed instructions for his or her own funeral; don't laugh.

Funeral directors assist families by establishing the location, dates, and times of wakes, memorial services, and burials. Keep in mind that some people are actually sad to see someone they know die; so suggesting balloons and banners announcing "the wicked witch is dead" may be inappropriate.

The family obviously has a low budget for employing your company (Beautiful Death Is An Art) and now you need to arrange for a hearse to carry the body to the funeral home or mortuary. Do NOT and I repeat DO NOT leave your Bauhaus CD in the hearse with the volume set at level 8 blaring Bela Lugosi' Dead. It's just tacky.

So what else does a Funeral Director do?

Funeral directors help prepare obituary notices for local newspapers, they arrange for pallbearers, decorate and prepare the sites of all services (you should be especially good at this), and schedule the opening and closing of a grave with a representative of the cemetery.

Lastly, some people prefer to plan their own funerals in advance; they'll probably use your service as a final 'Fuck You' so being polite is the best approach. Planning in advance provides the peace of mind that clients want to know that their final wishes will be taken care of in a way that is amusing to the client and will provide not only life living giggles before s/he dies but after.

Requires a degree in: Mortuary Science

Bar ditching just got a lot easier