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AprilApr 21 Monday 08

the Free State of Caroline

I became a citizen of the Free State of Caroline yesterday, and will be receiving my new passport shortly. It is a utopian anarchic state with 17 consulates and no land mass, and the only thing you need to do to qualify for citizenship is to tell Gregory Green that you …

OctoberOct 18 Thursday 07

what a refreshing monkey

Travelling too far away and back again and total impatience makes me wish there was something entertaining that constantly updated. All my compulsive internet fixes go away too soon, pause too long, stop and start like a traffic jam and there's always three bus-loads …

AugustAug 8 Wednesday 07

Do you wiggle your eyebrows when you perform?

Riots are being predicted by the piped music coming through the speakers at Belfast International Airport, the sweets that I am eating may have a laxative effect, and why would anybody read Roy "Chubby" Brown's biography?

The manny at the desk couldn't tell I was …

JulyJul 26 Thursday 07

presenting

All my gear is currently being shipped over the Irish sea because I'm moving home, and I am currently the willing handmaiden to Parsnip the rabbit: a muscular buck with a hairdo not dissimilar to David Bowie's in Labyrinth.

Estate Agents are almost all made of

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