just a name

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 00:45:47 -0700

as dreams fade away

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 00:44:38 -0700

i am calm

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 00:43:26 -0700

when you're lying to yourself

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 13:55:29 -0700

new year (this is reality)

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 13:47:31 -0700

the waltz of thieves and lovers

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 11:46:09 -0700

waltz of thieves and lovers music video

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 01:21:06 -0700

this was filmed (in one day) on the campus of grove city college for a video production class. kristen over did the filming and i did all the editing. not bad for 3 days of work and a limited location.

steph3bw

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 01:07:07 -0700

notebookbw

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 01:06:41 -0700

cling to music, cling to hope

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 01:48:46 -0700

the ups downs ins outs of music and me

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 02:49:14 -0700

i go through phases with music. maybe everyone does. i'll listen to one song or one album over and over for weeks and weeks, until another song makes an impression on me. and so the process goes. i return to those old favorites every so often, and i'm reminded of the time in my life when that song meant so much to me. and then sometimes i barely listen to music at all. it's funny, and a shame, i think, that i am not familiar with more artists... you'd think that a musician would be well-acquainted with many genres of music - and people do - but i'm not. i think it has something to do with the fact that i didn't listen to the radio as a child, and i never had many cds, and when i got a little older, i felt that $15-20 was too much money to spend for a cd that i wasn't sure i would like, and by the time i got iTunes i was in college and almost destitute so buying loads of music wasn't really an option (no t to mention that i was so busy - studying - all the time). i like almost all music... i just don't know a lot of it, comparatively, or maybe just not as much as people might expect of me. i can't help it though... it's like theatre - i'd so much rather be on stage performing than watching other people perform a play. not to say that i don't enjoy seeing plays, but it makes me itch to participate in some creative endeavor. same with seeing concerts or listening to music... "i wish i could do that" "i wish i could sing like that" "i wish i had a band" are the phrases that are most frequently uttered. i'm a creator. it's my nature to express myself through music, theatre, cake decorating... anything i can create, any way i can bring beauty to the world... even if it's just my own little world, in my own little room. "in my own little corner, in my own little chair i can be whatever i want to be. on the wings of my fancy i can fly anywhere and the world will open its arms to me (cinderella)" but i go through phases. the phase i've been in for the past few months is down. down down in the depths of despair. no music can bring me out. i haven't been playing piano or guitar, i haven't been writing music, i haven't even really been singing. i've no reason to do so. all through college i talked about how i wanted to be a "rock star" and got through on dreams of performing and "making it" ... but now that i'm finished with college i don't know what to do. any dreams i had seem hopeless, sitting alone in northeast ohio, doubting my ability/talent while waves of depression wash over me. i'm not emo. seriously. i just feel/think things very deeply. too deeply to explain most of the time. i'm not very good with words. writing lyrics kills me. i have to wait for inspiration to strike, like lightning striking sand and making beautiful forms of glass. i'm at a crossroads, it seems. a major one. where do i go from here? what dreams do i let die? which do i pursue? it's a problem to be kind of good at many things instead of really good at just one thing. i never developed just one skill from childhood... my parents never sent me off to dance lessons or music lessons or horseback riding lessons, you know. so now i'm 23 and still wanting to be a musician, singer, actress, cake decorator, carpenter, designer, film editor, painter... all in which i possess some natural ability, none in which i have any formal training or experience. i'm intelligent enough to realize that it's too late to be a professional dancer, figure skater, or jockey... and i'll most likely never become a famous actor, or musician, or anything else. it seems like most people who do really great, revolutionary, change the course of history things have already done them by the time they are my age. where does that leave me? standing at my keyboard in northeast ohio, singing to my walls and my old stuffed doll, robyn baskin robbin, about the pain that won't let go of my heart. and for now, that's what i'll do... until i decide on something... because at least i'm singing now. at least. and that's an improvement over the last 5 months. who knows? maybe inspiration will decide to return to me. maybe one morning i'll wake up and have it all figured out - what to do, where to go, who i am, why i'm here........ well, at least we know i can still dream.

stephanie