100 things about me.

by surrenderedlife on Jan 15

Moo and Jo inspired me.

1. I feel about 10 years younger than I am. On a good day I look it. On a bad day I feel about 20 years older than I am, and probably look it.
2. People who don't know me think I am rather arrogant or cold, grumpy.
3. People who know me have compared me to Clarence Oddbody from It's a Wonderful Life or the Irishman from Braveheart.
4. I would rather be number 3 than 2.
5. My first job was trimming grass around the tombstones in the cemetery next door to our house when I was about 13.
6. My first real job was working at the Humane Society when I was 15.
7. My first real kiss was to a girl named Emily, who also worked at the Humane Society.
8. As a child, I had a huge crush on Wonder Woman, the Linda Carter version.
9. I saw clips of the Amityville Horror on Siskel and Ebert when I was little and was afraid to watch television alone for awhile.
10. I love horror movies.
11. I come from rural central Ohio. President Harding is buried in my home town. So is his dog, between him and his wife.
12. I am an INFJ
13. I had dogs, cats, rabbits, parakeets, fish, hermit crabs, guinea pigs and chickens growing up. I read so many veterinary books, when I called the vet, I told her what medicine or vaccinations they needed, and she would give to me without seeing the animal. I can give shots.
14. I read voraciously...about everything.
15. I thought Sophia Loren looked hot in Grumpier Old Men.
16. I want to marry Isabella Rosellini and Amy Sedaris.
17. Donnie Darko made me want to make movies.
18. I once spoke to J.T. Leroy in the phone, while he (really she) was on a break from interviewing Courtney Love.
19. I want to be a stand up comedian.
20. Very few people get my jokes. I keep around the people who do.
21. I never got a degree from college. I took some classes, but never got a degree.
22. I know how to fix a toilet.
23. I rarely laugh out loud, even if I think it is really funny.
24. I am an Anglophile.
25. I assume everyone is smarter than me.
26. Friends tell me secrets. I keep them.
27. My first car was a Chevy Chevette.
28. Strangers tell me secrets.
29. I think I should know more by now.
30. I wish I were taller. I wish I looked like someone else.
31. I think everyone has potential. I get angry when people don't see it too.
32. I, like Simon Pegg (ala Spaced), have cried when watching then ending of Return of the Jedi. I live with the shame.
33. People think I am a pessemist, but I am at heart an Idealist...who has been disappointed too many times.
34. I'm afraid of heights, I could climb stairs to the moon, but can't climb a 6 foot step ladder.
35. I'm not afraid to die, which sounds odd after number 34.
36. I was fired from an art gallery for not selling paintings. I found out, neither could the owner or the previous sales person.
37. I have two tattoos and I want more.
38. I often feel like a failure.
39. I'm still not over the breakup of my last relationship. I worry I never will be. I've heard she isn't over it either. She just got married.
40. My friends hated her.
41. I avoid social gatherings.
42. I feel like a weirdo, but I have heard people want me around, but have also heard that people don't ask me to come to parties because they know I hate social gatherings.
43. I witnessed my friends fight over my time and attention when they think I am not looking.
44. I don't know how to process that given numbers 38, 41 and 42.
45. I've smoked at church behind the air-conditioning units, often. I'm not alone.
46. I've snuck a hip flask of vodka in to church for two wedding receptions. I was a hero to a couple of the pastors. They became mine.
47. I have never in my entire life thought I have anything worthwhile to say.
48. I am terrified when people take my advice.
49. I swear at church. I'm not alone.
50. I drink and smoke more since I work at a church than any other time in my life...again, I am not alone.
51. I feel closer to God now than any other time in my life, despite numbers 45, 46, 49 and 50.
52. I dream of living in a small town in England.
53. I love It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
54. My Dad died in 2002. I still have dreams about him. I wake up and realize he is dead.
55. I think I will write a book in some point in my life, but can't because of number 47.
56. I had good parents.
57. I've cried in private because people who didn't know me thought I was cold. I was ashamed of crying.
58. I don't know how to process coming across as cold to strangers, but people in authority at church, and much older than I am, use me as their counselor because they say they can trust me and know I will encourage them and give them advice.
59. I am terrified when they take my advice.
60. I am terrified when the pastors ask my advice and interpretations on theological questions, especially the ones with Ph.d's. I have found my comments verbatim in their sermons, often. They send their drafts to me to review and critique. I don't know why.
61. I am afraid that when I write things like that people will think I am vain, when I actually can't process numbers 58-60. I worry that I can't process it. Someone with more education and self confidence shouldn't be asking me questions.
62. My life doesn't look like I thought it would.
63. I love my friends and family more than they know.
64. I've had three older mentors ask me advice recently, one was a professional counselor. I found instead of being flattered, I was disappointed and a little scared. I have no one to ask advice of. The people I would go to ask for help process this spoiled it by asking for my advice.
65. My friends and family become scared if I get discouraged. I have no one to share my discouragement with.
66. I am worried I will never fall in love again.
67. I am worried I will never be able to fall in love again.
68. I am worried no one will fall in love with me.
69. I know there is someone out there for me.
70. I love very expensive Scotch from the island of Islay, I wish I had cheaper tastes.
71. I love the smell of pipe tobacco, but can't get a pipe to stay lit.
72. I'm allergic to red wine.
73. I can grow nearly anything.
74. I know quite a bit of botanical latin...I know what an Ampelopsis brevipedunculata is. I know what it means. I worry about that.
75. Once, when the person giving the announcement for the service didn't show up, they asked me to go on stage and give them. I threatened to leave and not come back...ever. They found someone else. They never asked me again. People have asked me to teach sermons. I have no idea why...and that worries me.
76. I've lost one best friend while I have been on Maui to moving. Now my current best friend is leaving. I have to encourage his decision, and not show him how sad I am, so he doesn't worry, see number 65. It has made me cry in private. I am ashamed of that.
77. I hate, looking at the list, how many times I have said, I am terrified, I worry, I am afraid.
78. I used to smoke a lot of pot. I loved it. I sometimes miss it. I find it ironic that I live in one of the pot havens of the world and have only smoked it twice in the 5 years I have been here...and both times it was from the mainland.
79. I have never told my mom I smoke tobacco.
80. My Great-Grandfather was the past president of the American Laryngectomy Association. He used to play the harmonica through the hole in his throat, I remember thinking that was cool.
81. I used to want a peg leg.
82. I love Kevin Smith films.
83. I'm grateful Decent American told me about the film Wings of Desire.
84. I am a good cook.
85. I once had sex in a changing room booth, and in a car while I was driving, plus in more conventional places, on the same day. It was quite a day.
86. I never felt attractive before my last relationship. I haven't felt attractive since.
87. I want to travel.
88. I'm naive.
89. I love being barefoot.
90. I don't tan, I freckle.
91. I can be a workaholic.
92. I feel worthwhile when I am a workaholic.
93. My fantasy is to spend months in a library with a roaring fire, a glass of scotch, a pipe, talking with friends for hours, or not talking to anybody for hours, hikes in an English countryside.
95. I want to be Russell Brand for a little while...I have a feeling it may be exhausting.
96. I want to be a natural history museum curator.
97. I want to be an author.
98. I want to be known.
99. I want everyone to know how much I love them, I wish they could understand it better than I feel I can express it.
100. I wish everyone knew how much potential they have, and use some of it before they die...and not point it all at themselves.