I don't think God wants us to constantly choose the path that makes us miserable...I believe he wants us to be happy. I don't think that pleasing yourself is a bad thing as long as you still put others before yourself, and don't live for pleasure.

I also don't think that masturbation is setting yourself up for failure in marriage...for women anyway. It's actually kind of the other way around for us. I've never had the urge to think lustfully when I do it, so it's not taking away from my future husband in that manner. We're very 'complex'... and if we know how our bodies work, we can show our husbands how they work also.

-AnonymousGirl

Even if your assessment is 100% correct, it still saddens me. I love sex. I love sex with my wife. But recently she went through a time where sex just wasn't an option for her. I made the decision over 4 years ago to remove porn and masturbation from my life and to save all my sexual intimacy for my relationship with my wife. So recently when sex was out of the question for her, it was out of the question for me by default.

We went over half a year without any sexual intimacy at all. And by the end I was a grumpy, ravenous, sex-crazed lunatic that had an orgasm every time I walked through the bra section at Wal-Mart.

No, no that didn't happen at all actually. The reverse took place.

The more distance I put between myself and sex, the less I struggled with lust. The less "horny" I was. And it supported something I've believed for a long time that our sex drives are like appetites. If we eat like a glutton we will hunger like a glutton.

I will never regret my decision to save sexual intimacy (including orgasms) as something to be experienced between my wife and I, as a single atomic unit. I wish I had discovered this feeling of peace and contentment about our sex life sooner.

I read once a post from a guy that said he could totally block out lustful thoughts when he masturbated by thinking about inanimate objects like refrigerators or fruit. How on earth is this healthy? What kind of problems is he going to develop in 5 or 10 or 20 years if he keeps doing this? The poor guy won't be able to cruise the appliances at Best Buy without springing an erection.

This isn't bible stuff. This is Pavlov's dog.

You say that you can masturbate in a purely physical manner. If I apply the same logic to you that I applied to refrigerator-guy and Pavlov... I fear for your future marriage! There is a cumulative value in repeatedly investing a small amount of time in something over a long period. In other words, the little things add up! If you keep practicing sex (self-sex is still sex) without emotional intimacy you will get good at it. Practice makes perfect. And that makes me really sad for your future husband. Would you want to marry a man with this skill set? Sex in marriage can be complicated enough as it is. Let's add... more?

I know many guys that have basically fallen into a similar trap. They looked at porn and masturbated for years before they got married. Were they "virgins" when they got married? Sure, in the strict, literal sense I guess so. But guess what. On their wedding night they could not get an erection. A real live, naked, willing woman, which they are in love with, right there in their beds and they could not seal the deal. They had trained their bodies that sex happens with a computer monitor, a firm grip, and a tube of lubrication (optional). Seemed like a great idea at the time, but now they share the consequences of their actions with their new brides. Here is a wedding gift for you honey, you're not sexy enough.

I know this is a Christian ministry website and I should probably be talking about what is and is not a "sin" or referencing the bible or whatnot. I leave that to the churchier people. It just seems like common sense to me that from a physiological and behavioral perspective... these things have consequences.

Married sex rocks. It's hot. It's worth waiting for. It's even worth waiting for when you're already married. I wish everyone could experience this freedom like I have.

I've surfed some pretty sick [expletive deleted] in my time. I've been to strip clubs. I've gratified myself to the point of embarrassment. Contrary to that, I've experience the best God has to offer. Nothing, nothing, nothing beats sexual intimacy with deep-rooted emotional connection in the context of marriage. Period.

I will never go back.


peace|dewde