I am here to recover from my addictions to porn and masturbation. I hate them both, but I can't stop. I'm sick of living this double life. On the outside, I am a Christian, a good all around person etc. but what people don't know is that for the last three years I have been looking at pornography. I have tried to stop, but I have failed. I feel like I don't have any choice. I would appreciate any tips that you have for me.

Their are many, many things you can do to move yourself down the road towards change. Typically, the ones that work the best are the ones that seem impossible, or even painful.

I can tell reading your words that you desperately want your inner person and your outer person to be the same. Who doesn't?

Most of us just wish God would change our hearts in an instant. That he would make the thought of such behavior absurd to us and repelling to us. So that we could not bring ourselves to do it. Or that he would remove the temptation to do things that give us short term gratification, but long term exasperation.

Here is what I believe every person serious about finding victory over this problem must do.

Make your inner person and your outer person be one, even in failure.

Most people want to be the same inside and out... with one important caveat. They want this one, whole person, to be perfect and sin free so that they don't have to lose face, lose friendships, break hearts, and be exposed as a hypocrite. They think to themselves, "first I will clean up my act and be the person everyone thinks I am already... then my inner and outer man will be one! Problem solved."

Yes, and no.

My suggestion to you and everyone else that is reading this... make your inner and outer man be one immediately, in your current state. If you have been unsuccessful in bringing your inner person up to the level that everyone thinks you are already... then expose your outer person for the man he actually is.

Be merely honest.

Be willing to say the words, "I am a Christian, and I struggle with porn." Tell anyone who will listen. Talk about it to the point that it no longer embarrasses you. You will find freedom and peace in honesty. And I think you will remove a significant handicap that has been holding you down and chaining you to your sin.

I know it's easier for me to type this out here than for you to do it in your life. But I hope you, and anyone else reading this, gives it serious consideration.

Don't wait to be honest or you may never achieve anything worthy of being honest about.

peace|dewde