re·build

1. to repair, esp. to dismantle and reassemble with new parts: to rebuild an old car.
2. to replace, restrengthen, or reinforce: to rebuild an army.
3. to revise, reshape, or reorganize: to rebuild a shattered career.
-verb (used without object) 4. to build again or afresh: With the insurance money we can rebuild.

Can life be repaired after tragedy? Reshaping occurs in many ways. Out with the old, in with the new.

I have realized in my life that not everything you throw away is forgotten. But rebuilding one's life with only the pieces you choose takes careful effort and a lot of time. My life has been dismantled and it is my job to rebuild it. I am rebuilding with only the pieces I choose, I don't want to replicate what I've already lived. I want a new piece of equipment with a few of the same attributes. I want to customize the project. This time the fresh equipment will withstand the elements and all the unexpected climate changes.

I notice people differently than I used to. When I meet new people I don't feel comfortable right away. I want to stand away from the crowd yet feel compelled to be near them, as in my lonliness lies nightmares. I don't fit in. I have scars that always bleed. No one likes blood.

No matter what pieces I take with me when I rebuild, the scars always find their fit. Like leaches that can't live without me. Battle wounds.