Now I know Al Gore didn't invent the internet he just felt he had a part in the legislation that gave it the freedom to develop. However sometimes during the Giving Time that is christmas I feel I maybe should send little gifts to all of the people who gave the internet it's wheels to get going. Just to say thanks for letting the wallflowers and indoor kids have a chance. A chance to be popular, to express themselves, and have some fun while technically not being alone.

I have phone phobia. When people call me I rarely pick up the phone and the idea of calling people has me muster the same amount of courage that should only be needed for instances of werewolf attacks and knife fights. I've never been good at meeting people. Even if I somehow get a good conversation going in public with a stranger I eventually have to abort the conversation. Sometimes even while they are talking just because I have nothing more to say, or I'm too afraid to keep the conversation going.

It's in these ways the internet saved my life. I have gotten to meet people, express myself in odd ways and even at times feel rather important in my own way. I remember when my parents got me my first computer when I was 16, it was a Gateway that had a monitor that was heavier than most compact Japanese cars. AOL was my e-mail because those damn introduction CD's were everywhere and still are. The internet was run by Angelfire and Tripod domains that all had waving "under construction" signs. During this time to meet people you went through profiles on AOL or e-mailed people off their e-mail address they left on a band's guest book.

What? You like the same bands as me. let's e-mail each other or see how long we can instant message each other until we get bored.

A few times, and this will be my confession but I'm in no way ashamed, because this was not unheard of back then. I traveled to meet some of these digital friends, to give their pictures life. The incoming instant message bell can only serve as the sound of someones laugh for so long. The mind and the soul needs something real eventually. Now this is not something people do that much anymore, people have their reasons. Most of them are due to safety concerns, which is a damn good reason. I think another reason that digital friends stay that way is because we put so much information out there through our profiles and comment pages that there seems to be nothing more to know other than the commercial blurb we seem to have created. Our personalities tread a thin line to just being a persona.

Only one time did I ever excuse myself out of a trip to meet an online friend. The roads were very white with packed snow and the rumors of ice were coming in. To be honest, I had driven in worse. This drive would not had been a challenge at all. I looked back on the e-mails that were not trashed and thought back to some instant messages and the nature of the weekend hang out of shows in a different city seemed different. There was an undertone of being an out of state friend with benefits that I never picked up on before. So leary of going that route personally I opted out of that trip. Back then I was a rather devout Christian kid, and one rooted in the Christian Hardcore community, which I can say sometimes instills in you more guilt than 100 confessional meeting with a priest in a wooden box can.

The internet has been good to me. 5 years ago I never would have talked to strangers, let alone pulled off working in a coffee shop. Working at a coffee shop is much like being a bartender, people want to talk to you. You just don't have to worry about cutting off anyone's liquid consumption because they can't drive home. I'd like to cut people off from having their second frap of the day, but that's only because I hate all the mess that a blender brings to a mixed coffee drink.

Generally I have notes penned for each post I do. I formulate a flow and certain lines to construct stories and paragraphs out of. I dwell on the inspiration for awhile until I believe I'm ready to birth the post for all too see. This post was originally going to be a below the belt series of jokes about myspace, and how I have way too many passwords to juggle to keep up with all the websites, blogs, and message boards that make up my digital to do list. Maybe in the future some college kid will come up with a password system that will work on all sites so you won't need to keep a sheet of paper in your wallet with all your passwords and multiple user-names anymore. Until then I'll juggle those papers and post it notes of sensitive information and just have more fun learning how small the world is when we're all connected.