Tommy Hall (the boy trying too hard)
About
i'm an odd person.
i youth pastor two groups, i used to be a missionary, but that ended up being a huge mess.. i have a hard time conforming to anyone's image of who i need to be or how i should wear my hair (of course i am going bald now.. so not such a big deal). i work for the common wealth of kentucky, i enjoy music (playing and listening), i am a closet comic book nerd (my closet is huge), i love nature, yet enjoy the comforts of home some days.
i always have a hard time explaining me. i say stupid stuff, but enjoy deep conversations about God and how i suck at being a christian. i am too honest at times, yet i am not willing to share what i struggle with.
i guess i am pretty much insane.
i have a blog. www.tommyghall.blogspot.com .
i live in a very small town called beattyville. i love it mostly, but it gets a little boring.
what about you?
Movies
Reign Over Me, 300, all Batman (even the ones with the nipples), Goonies, X-Men, Unbreakable, Signs, a lot more i can't remember
Music
Jars of Clay, Killers, Abe Quigley, Regina Spektor, Straylight Run, A Fine Frinzy, Andrew Bird, Damien Rice, Motion City Soundtrack, Robbie Seay, Bebo Norman, Mae, Keane, Jon Foreman, Anberlin
Television
Books
Seven Storey Mountain, God.com, Blankets, Lamb, Velvet Elvis. Why do men have nipples, UnChristian, i am sure i will be adding more later.
Interests
waiting for the river to rise.
JuneJun 30 Tuesday Tue 09
waiting for the river to rise.
FebruaryFeb 29 Friday Fri 08
hearing His voice
i used to remember a time when i truly believed i could hear God's voice and have enough faith to walk on water, but those days seemed to have left me. i seemed to have become like everyone else in this world. normal. i just have my daily activities and nothing more.
6:15 i hit snooze
6:25 i get up and workout
7:00 i shower
7:45 go to work
8-4 work and surf the net
4:30 throw my tie off, walk the dog, eat dinner, watch tv, workout, go to bed
boring life i live.
i used to spend my evenings praying in the woods, searching for God in music, talking to God, and spending hours with a group of young men praying.
none of that any more. i don't know what happened, but i miss it. i miss wanting to hear Him.
FebruaryFeb 12 Tuesday Tue 08
JanuaryJan 25 Friday Fri 08
New Year and being lazy
i am not going to give you excuses to why it has been so long that i have blogged. i am not going to try and feel your mind with wild stories of kidnappings and near death experiences. i will just be honest. i have been too lazy to write a blog. to even be more honest.. the only reason i am writing now is because i am being lazy at work. so therefore i am writing a blog.
nothing major has really happened in 2008. i celebrated my year anniversary from leaving the mission. it is hard to believe it has been a year since i left the mission. some days i really miss the place and other days i really don't. it has been a good change in life for me.
next week we are starting a trial and i am dreading it. i have only worked on two trials in the past and they were murder trials. they were rough, but this one deals with something that is worse than murder in my book, but due to my job i am not at the liberty to really talk about this until it comes to court.
i find myself worried and angry. i don't want to judge and i want to show grace, but it is hard. i am finding it is hard to live a "set apart" life outside of the cages of a christian community. when i come in contact with convicts almost everyday and i find myself wondering why God let's them live and then it hits me.. why does he let me live?
i keep on forgetting that my sins are no different from the man who killed his girlfriend. sure, i don't have blood on my hands, but before God i do. if i am to live a life of Christ i need to first learn to love. no matter what! and there is the catch.. no matter what. i need to love the man who blocked my car the other day. i need to love the person who constantly made me feel like i was worthless. i need to love the man who hurts children for his own sexual pleasure.
this blog is kind of a downer.. so please forgive me. i am sitting at my desk with the file for the case that i am dreading to my right and to my left a phone that will not stop ringing to remind me that without crime i would not have a job.
oh well. i can't change life, but i sure can find a way to make it more fun...
i have started working out again. i lost about 35 pounds, but most of that was muscle. so i have decided i need to get the body i have always wanted before my 30th birthday.. i want to have abs! so last night while working out i decided i would do some hand eye stuff to keep my mind sharp. i started juggling. thank you randy townsend! i just didn't have anyone clapping for me when i was doing well and no one booing when i drop them. it was a good way to relax after my workout.
yep.. that is about it. nothing more to say as of now.
DecemberDec 13 Thursday Thu 07
what a day
today is insane. i have screwed up my time sheet and it takes the aoc forever to fix it..
the day started out with rain and my wife yelling at me. i didn't respond properly to her question about her clothes.
the day was looking up when i was able to download some music here at work.
the day started to suck when i had to go figure out where i screwed up.
the day is getting darker. a friend used hurtful words to just prove a point.
i wish i could write a song, but i can't.
i wonder if i will ever break free from this lust i have?
doubt it. no one else seems to be able to.
i hope my dog didn't poop in the house.
DecemberDec 5 Wednesday Wed 07
i don't know
i used to be one of those bloggers that opened up their soul for the world (2 people who actually read this) to read. i find myself kind of sad right now. a lot has been happening in my small world. death, two near deaths of the same friend, and fighting the loneliness i feel. i just need an outlet for a moment. to just let this emotion out. the emotion that i fight ever so harshly. i don't like to honestly let people see me struggle. there are a few who do, but i don't think they understand the extent of the battle.
i don't believe i am depressed.. i just feel emptiness. the kind of emptiness you get from hunger. then you eat so much and then you are too full and you can't wait to get it out of you (won't go into detail on that). i just hate feeling this way. my only friend moved away and i really have no one to hang with. don't get me wrong. i have my wife, but there are somethings i just can't talk with her about. i need a change.. i think i am going to take up yoga... nah..
OctoberOct 29 Monday Mon 07
katie
this past weekend my good friend katie broeker died. she was only 24 years old. she had a heart bigger than the sun and loved deeper than any person i know. she moved to haiti because her heart was for the people. she had no regrets. many times i saw her online, but was too busy to talk to her. now i will never be able to chat with her again. i will not be able to hear her say "sup" with her head going back as if she were a thug. i would never see her smile that comforted me many years when i was battling wtih depression. i miss her.
as i sit here in my office i fight the tears. i am mad and hurt. i don't understand why she had to die. i know she is with the Lord, but i am selfish and i want her here.. i want to hug her. i want to laugh with her. i want to make fun of her shoes.
you are beautiful katie. i hope you know how much i love you. my life was blessed to know you and sad to live without you.
OctoberOct 4 Thursday Thu 07
lazy:part 2
yeah.. i have become lazy with my blog. i find it hard to write about the hard hitting moments in my life. i also have discovered that the pearls of life that i face.. many of you do not. i am a lone wolf with out a pack (hence the lone). nah... actually i am just so lazy. it takes a lot of thought to sit down and write something. even with adderall i can't do it. i would like to say it is because i am so busy at work, but between you and me.. i am so smart that i can do two things at once.. kind of like peeing and pooping at the same time. yeah.. i can do that.
a month ago i wrote about me having roids and how they were hurting me.. well i finally went to the doctor and i don't have roids! yay!!! oh wait... i have a tear in my anal passage from pooping hard poo.. ugh.. it takes two months to heal and it is painful. they also don't give you any pain meds either. it's insane. if it doesn't heal they are going to cut my anal muscle.. sounds fun huh? lol.. i have the butt of a 50 year old man. my dad and i finally have something in common. we both sit on a cushion.. ha..
the woolly worm festival is coming up soon and i can't wait. it's like christmas time for me. sure the Savior of the world wasn't born on this day and i don't get any presents, but a lot of my friends from high school come in for it. i love it... we also shut down the whole town for it. who else does this.. oh wait.. the surrounding towns do this too.. well.. we are better than they are. always have been.. and we worship a woolly worm.. not bees or honey.. that is so lame.
my best friend also moved. that kind of made me sad. he is a loser.. what about moving to a new job? jerk..lol.. nah. i am actually proud of him. he may actually be able to find a girl now. not that he couldn't here, but none of them were his type. either they were too nice or too trashy.. a happy balance.. we like to call flashy. he also gets to hang out with college students. so i am sure he will come off cool to them. until he forgets to take care of his eyebrows and they become eyebrow.
let's see..what else is there? hmm.. nothing i can really think of. just normal everyday life. i promise to someday actually sit down and write a deep blog about my struggle with the local church and how much i really hate southland bible institute.. that place should burn.. oh.. sorry.. that sounds like bitterness.. i am really not bitter.. ok.. maybe a little. i guess i am just annoyed at how they cripple the students... yeah.. they take bats and bust their kneecaps.. ok.. maybe not, but they come close.
i better get to work..
SeptemberSep 12 Wednesday Wed 07
Lazy
i am sitting in my office bored out of my mind. it seems like all of the drug dealers and drunk drivers have taken the day off... so i am left to stare at my bottle of fuze and wonder why it say slenderize.. does that mean it will make me skinny.. i kind of hope so, but if it does i hope it takes my man boobs with it.. cause if i get a small waist and keep my chest.. i will look like a teenage girl..
i thought i would just sit down and write a random blog. a blog about nothing.
hmmm..
i have to poop, but i can't! we aren't allowed to on my floor.. 1. there aren't fans. 2. my boss doesn't like the smell (who does?). 3. i have a fear of public toilets.. you never know who's skanky butt has been on them.
what else is there.... i have nothing.. nothing.. don't make me close one more door. i don't want to hurt in more.. stay in my arms.. if you dare.. or must i imagine you there? don't walk away from me.. don't you dare.. walk away from me.. cause i have nothing.. nothing.. nothing.. if i don't have you.... you... you. you.. youuuu..
sorry.. i had a witney huston moment.. yeah.. that makes me gay doesn't it.. so what.. you are stupid.. stop looking at me like i have gone insane.. cause i haven't...
JulyJul 11 Wednesday Wed 07
MayMay 8 Tuesday Tue 07
wrinkles and poop
i am normally a pretty good morning person. i wake up to the sound of 3 alarms at random times between 5:30 and 6:30 (my wife has to set several different clocks to make herself get out of bed and repeatedly hits snooze). i got out of bed in record time this morning. i was out of the shower before 6:45 and i didn't cut myself shaving either. i try to give myself enough time to check my e-mail, watch some videos, eat breakfast, make my dog some eggs (laugh), and iron my clothes. yet somehow i almost ran out of time. first my shirt would not iron. i sprayed it down with water and had the iron as hot as i could get it (this is where you say my wife should be doing this for me). my tie would not tie straight (insert joke here). i was feeling stressed even before i had left the house.
when i went outside to feed my puppy....i stepped in poop. not good. then wondergirl jumped on me and put her paw prints so sweetly on my pants. i allowed myself to swear once (only once.. i promise. it wasn't a major one. it's one that you would hear in a PG movie). i actually kicked her. not hard, cause she thought i was playing. she kept doin it. i gave her the eggs and left. yet as i walked away i felt bad for kicking her. i went back and loved on her. ran to my car and took off. i got behind this really slow person. i tail gated them all the way to the high school (thankfully they turned, but waved). it was my pastor's wife..
so now i am at work waiting for court to start. we have over 200 cases today. so yay!!!
let you in on what i have learned this week.
1. you really can't lick your elbow.
2. you can't lick your own nipple (someone dared me to and i tried and i couldn't. this maybe something i shouldn't share).
3.puppy poop is not easy to wash out of dress shoes.
4.no matter how much water you spray; wrinkles do not come out. use more fabric softener.
5.farting in your desk chair makes it not as loud, but the smell will stick in it.
that's just a few of the things that i have learned so far this week and it is only tuesday. i can't wait to share what i learn today.
oh and i also learned that you have to be in church everytime the doors are open.. yeah.. i know. i had no clue. must be one of those things Jesus forgot to tell us about.
MayMay 4 Friday Fri 07
AprilApr 28 Saturday Sat 07
saint of the streets
"to hope for change is all that i have." john (saint of the streets)
today matthew and i sat on the steps of our hotel in down town houston. i watched the people and traffic go by. matthew spoke of the problems he had with today's christian market. my mind raced back and forth. i thought of the changes my life has been going through. the new inside battle that is raging within. so consumed. so empty. so selfish.
while i watched a dried leaf float on the breeze of the passing cars; a man stands before us.
"i am a vet. and i hate to do this, but...."
before he could finish i had pulled what little cash i had in my wallet and matthew searched his wallet for money.
" i hate to say this, but i am a religous man. well... i hate the term religous." he says
"we are God followers too." matthew smiles
he sits. we talk. we learn. i see Jesus.
we talk for what seems like years. hearing john's story. his battle within.
i feel so small.
his love for those around him.
i feel so selfish.
his pain of how people who claim to be christians avoid him.
i feel like such a failure.
we walk to mcd's. he eats a double cheese burger. he talks of scripture. he shows love to me. his eyes meet mine and my heart breaks. not over this man's pain, but his freedom. he has nothing and i am jealous. he speaks and God pours on me. my inner fight is building. what i thought it was...it was not. what i believed i need to change... will never feel the deeper need.
we walk back to the hotel. he smiles and hugs us goodbye. his embrace comforts. i watch him walk away and i say a prayer. he looks up to the sky and opens his eyes.
i never met his need, but he feed mine.
saint of lost causes.
AprilApr 24 Tuesday Tue 07
AprilApr 13 Friday Fri 07
AprilApr 6 Friday Fri 07
understanding the day
after a long day of work i like to sit and think about what actually took place throughout the day. to focus on the moments i allowed myself to let someone in or shut someone out. to think about the times i asked God for help or cursed the man who asked for something that caused me to walk around the store and find it (to only have the man tell me that is too much and then walk out of the store).
i wonder if God really watches the moments when i struggle to smile at the man who smells like he hasn't flossed his butt in weeks. i wrestle with the fact that He cares about the times i allow myself to let a curse word slip when i drop something on my toe. i know duke cares. he doesn't believe in idol words, but i didn't say buddha... i said s**t.
i look down at my feet and wonder if people laugh at my shoes. they look like oldman shoes. not really the cool kind that teens like to wear, but the kind my late papaw wore while shooting rats along the rock wall beside his house. i think Jesus would wear these shoes. ummm... i think. i guess my shoes are kind of cool. i think i will wear them to work again.
do i wish to be rich? somedays i do. i would like to buy a new car. the cd player in my car is still good, but i would like to have a huge truck. i work with a guy who drives a huge truck. when i ride with him i feel like a tough man. like i enjoy killing helpless animals and gutting them in the front yard for everyone to see my kill. yeah, a truck... that would be cool, but being rich would not help solve my problems. could it? nah... isn't God all i need?
the voice in my head says "ummm, your adderall has worn off. so ask me in the morning. of course you need to talk to your doc about a stronger dose."
my heart screams " yes you retard... He is all you need, but that truck is what you want.. so get it. angie won't care. so what if you will worry about your house payment.. God will always take care of you."
"heart?"
"what?"
"is that really you?"
"no."
"then who is this?"
"dude, you just called me. what are you talking about?"
"oh yeah, sorry. i was talking to myself. i didn't realize you answered the phone"
awkward laugh...
it's hard understanding the day. yet, it is nice to think back and see that i won't have to relive it again. i hope.. that would suck. cause i don't want to have to smell that guy again.. that was just sick.
AprilApr 5 Thursday Thu 07
breaking the law
i am not supposed to be using the highspeed net at work, but i am... i am such a rebel. many of you are thinking "tommy, what are you doing?"... i will tell you what i am doing.. breaking the law...
you know you love me.
AprilApr 2 Monday Mon 07
girl scout cookies are from satan...
you read that right. girl scouts work for satan. only he could make cookies so good...yet so wrong. as i sit here and write i eat a cookie. a sweet short bread cookie.. slowly dipping it into milk. letting it slowly slip between my lips. milk runs down my chin and falls ever so lightly on my chest. oh great... now i am writing cookie porn... this cookies are baked in hell's flames.
