Jack the Ant

He was like no other ant in the insect kingdom. Jack weighed in at 300lbs 5 oz, had a mouth the size of a giant honeydew and eyes that mimicked the shape of a fat cumulus cloud. Unlike other ants he was an independent that feed on …

(via Life of my Story)

10 Useless Questions

The following list includes everyday questions that we should ban from our communication. I'm guilty of the majority of theses inquiries, so if you feel that I'm attacking you, realize that I'm attacking myself first-and-foremost.
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(via Life of my Story)

The Hook Shot

Oranges, honey and the hook shot. Those were the three secrets to basketball greatness according to my Papou (the Greek word for grandfather). There we were, my first cousin Greg and I, taking basketball lessons from a man who …

(via Life of my Story)

In the Mind of Spencer

To preface this story, my friend Rob has a deep imagination. Given enough time to ponder, his mind wanders. I've encouraged Rob to let his imagination roam free when he's feeling this way. This is the first of many fictional …

(via Life of my Story)

Life Swap

It wasn't easy being a single mommy when Maryann was little. I was working two jobs at the time. My parents were a big help, but they were getting old and could only do so much. What a beautiful child she was. She's a red-head …

(via Life of my Story)

Pollock’s Ghost

It appears that growing up is directly responsible for the loss of magic & wonder in my life. The possibility of ghosts, however, still excites me. When someone mentions a haunting, I light up like a child. This was the case my …

(via Life of my Story)

Dogs

Once upon a time in a land far, far away from where I currently reside, I accidentally ingested GHB. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, GHB is commonly known as Roofies or the Date Rape Drug. I was outside of a small …

(via Life of my Story)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Ellynn

I was still playing with action figures at age 12. Whether this handicap was to blame for girls not liking me or I played with toys because girls didn't pay attention to me, the fact remains that I was still the only fifth grader …

(via Life of my Story)

Three’s company, Four’s a crowd

As I look back onto that summer night, I lower my head in shame. How could we have done it? We were four attractive, respectful and able young men. Not one of us with a major handicap keeping us away from average sexual activity …

(via Life of my Story)

The Other Side

The night prior to the story I'm about to tell, I was followed home by a couple of punks. I was driving down Monmouth Road in Deal, NJ when I pulled up next to two young men in a Jeep Wrangler. Needless to say, I was dancing like …

(via Life of my Story)

Big Girls Don’t Cry

The court system sentenced me to community service and I chose the public library, which was awesome because I could smoke pot in the fiction section. The library of my hometown was huge and looking back, it appears that our town …

Chairs are not Toilets

Few phrases in the English language have been spoken so poetically. It seems strange to think that one would ever have the need to utter such a slogan aloud. I mean, who would ever confuse the purpose of such items? Odd as it may …

Ex-Lax and Videotape

I did a bad thing once. My ex girlfriend cheated on me with the town douche. Not once, but three times. What was weird about the situation was this guy's audacity. Let's call him Chris to keep shit simple and we'll call my ex Donna. …

Derailed

It's a strange age to be a commuter. There's an unspoken bond we commuters have (NJ Transit in particular) that any train before 9am is silent. There is no real interaction til after 12 noon. Truth be told, we don't recall what it …

Who’s the Boss?

Do I know Bruce Springsteen? Well, not exactly. Hailing from Jersey doesn't mean I have a personal relationship with the Boss, but fate has intervened and our paths have crossed. I'd be willing to bet that a sizable portion of …

Women.

We all have certain advice we live by and hold close to our hearts that help us choose which difficult paths to take in life. Many great men have said many great things, but the words that stick out in my mind that I hold so dear …

When I was 17…

I lost my virginity at McDonald's when I was 17. Looking back at my history with men, this one single event actually set a standard that no one could ever surpass. You may think it's trashy that I gave it up at a fast food joint. …

Like what you see?

New Jersey shopping malls are terrible representations of the people who hail from the Garden State. When I tell someone I'm from New Jersey, they confuse me with this guy. That asshole comes from New York or North Jersey (aka …

Origin of Man

I cannot help but agree with Ogden Nash (wiki) when he said, "I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm." Although there are many things about men that …

PVHottie2006?

Just because I'm a hottie and slave on PV (and it's the year 2006) doesn't mean you guys have to treat me this way. I'm going to be famous and it's all your fault. Love you all.

*Fame never hurt anyone. Except for that guy in that terrible movie Paparazzi.