Posted on June 25, 2007
You can feel the northerliness here. It's 8:30 pm and the sun shows no sign of setting. In the apartment, the noise is distracting. You lose the peace of the outside, of a walk to the mailboxes and back when no one is on the street but you, lone mail-checker. Somehow it takes the combination of extreme quiet and the physical inability of writing something down to inspire the most beautiful poems and phrases. What doesn't escape you is the desire to create--and the frustration of defeat when you can no longer reproduce what suggested itself with no effort a mere fifteen minutes earlier.
[...]
That represents time passing in my blog. Yes, myblog. I will have one, even if it's not cool enough. What does that word even mean, anyway? More importantly, why does it mean to me? Even more importantly, why these feelings of inferiority, jealousy, woundedness? I guess nobody wants to be found dull, especially by people they respect. But today is so limited a perspective. Tomorrow will reveal so much. For now, a website (http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/) that has lately been disappointing me put this gem in my lap, which led to these thoughts:
"How strange that we find each other--that anybody finds anybody else at all. That we make each other happy, even for the briefest time. How lucky, how near to God.
Celebration for June 24
For Marian
Before you, I was living on an island
And all around the seas of that lonely coast
Cast up their imitation jewels, cast
Their fables and enigmas, questioning, sly.
I never solved them, or ever even heard,
Being perfect in innocence: unconscious of self;
Such ignorance of history was all my wealth--
A geographer sleeping in the shadow of virgins.
But though my maps were made of private countries
I was a foreigner in all of them after you had come,
For when you spoke, it was with a human tongue
And never understood by my land-locked gentry.
Then did the sun shake down a million bells
And birds bloom on bough in wildest song!
Phlegmatic hills went shivering with flame;
The chestnut trees were manic at their deepest boles!
It is little strange that nature was riven in her frame
At this second creation, known to every lover--
How we are shaped and shape ourselves in the desires of the other
Within the tolerance of human change.
Out of the spring's innocence this revolution,
Created on a kiss, announced the second season,
The summer of private history, of growth, through whose sweet sessions
The trees lift toward the sun, each leaf a revelation.
Our bodies, coupled in the moonlight's album,
Proclaimed our love against the outlaw times
Whose signature was written in the burning towns.
Your face against the night was my medallion.
Your coming forth aroused unlikely trumpets
In the once-tame heart. They heralded your worth
Who are my lodestar, my bright and ultimate North,
Marrying all points of my personal compass.
This is the love that now invents my fear
Which nuzzles me like a puppy each violent day.
It is poor comfort that the mind comes, saying:
What is one slim girl to the people's wars?
Still, my dice are loaded: having has such luck,
Having your love, my life would still be whole
Though I should die tomorrow. I have lived it all.
--and love is never love, that cannot give love up.
(thomas mcgrath) "
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