I have a recurring event in iCal called "Get a haircut you stupid fuck!" Every month it reminds me to stop working, get in the car, head down to the salon and sit there for an hour so that I might look half-way presentable again.

The problem is, I rarely make it on time. I'm a chronic procrastinator as it is and haircuts are no different. I usually miss the schedule by at least a week. This isn't really because I can't stand the essence of haircuttery or because I don't have respect for the fine art of trimming people's mops. Nope. In fact, more power to them, damnit.

No, my problem is with time allocation. I feel like I can't possibly afford to sit in one place with no access to anything for such a huge block of time. For the amount of tasks being accomplished, I might as well be asleep. This seriously bothers me. It's a waste of time according to my brain and you would think my it would have more respect for my hair, being in such close proximity.

It wouldn't be such a brutal standoff if not for the fact that my stylist loves to chat. While I can understand the need to not have a creeping awkward silence stretching the entire session, it does contribute to the lack of productivity. Primarily because she seems to stop actually cutting my hair when she reaches a climactic point in the story she's telling -- which is about every 10 minutes.

To me, this is unacceptable. Either because of my mild OCD or because it makes sense. In either case, it contributes to the usual state of my hair -- out of control.

After hours of research and thinking on the subject -- mostly thinking to myself while she was talking -- I have come to the conclusion that there are only two possible options.

One. Let's install some flat screens and wireless keyboards instead of some shitty pointless mirrors in front of the chairs. What's wrong with that? We're busy people and we have things to look up, YouTube videos to watch, Tweets to Twitter. This seems like a homerun of a business plan if you ask me. Someone should get on this immediately.

Two. Create a race of self-aware autonomous haircut robots with a comb for one hand and a Flowbee