back in the mainland.

Hello all, I'm back in Massachusetts after a lovely 2 weeks in Hawaii!

My sister's wedding was superb, and even though I spent a lot of time helping her prepare, I had so much fun doing just that and the tourist-y things that I got to do as well. My favorite was …

I ain't wastin' no more time.

Today is the beginning of November 2007, and it has occurred to me that the days are passing by me before I've even had a chance to grab on to them.

It all comes down to a lack of balance in my life. I've become so focused on what there is to look forward to and …

fall.

It has been quite some time since I've updated. I really just haven't been in the mood to, I suppose. Not sure what to say. I'm still not sure, but for some reason I felt the need to write today.

This weekend I drove up to Maine to spend time with J.Shea. It was …

give me a reason.

I've been thinking about seeing a therapist on campus again.

I saw one for fall semester my sophomore year, and it was at a crucial time in my life. My sister got back in touch with my father, finding out about the new family he's had. Three boys and a little …

no words.

No words in the English language could possibly quantify how I'm feeling.

Furious. Angry. Hurt. Irate. Cheated. Sad. Depressed.

Nothing.

I walked back from my car. I had to park far away. I walked, in my Sunday dress, cardigan, and heels, holding a bag …

dang.

I'm back at school.

I've been in a bit of a funk the past few days. Ever since the morning I left home. I just really did not want to come back to school. I'm not entirely sure why.

I haven't told anyone this yet, but on the way down, there was very heavy …

Focus.

Man.

Now that I have finally begun packing, it's really hitting me hard that this is my last year of college.

I am leaving Vocal Explosion in hopes that I can focus on the many things in my life that I need to get in order during the fall semester, …

The Parable of the Talents.

I came home, ate dinner, took a nap, just woke up, and am going back to bed soon.
I am exhausted, really, so I will keep this short.

I think God has a tendency to let you struggle with things, and when you finally arrive upon some semblance of a real conclusion or …

The Moment.

I am listening to the Poulenc Mass in G.
We are performing it for our winter concert this semester.

And I hear this music, which is nothing but sound waves produced by air and the vibrating of vocal folds, and I wonder why God blessed us with the capability to make …

dreaming is my all the time, whether it's the weather or my mind.

Well, the next two days and weekend are likely to fly by, so before I am out of touch with the blog-o-sphere for a bit, I feel a need to commemorate the end of my time working for the MBTA.

More than my coworkers, I am really going to miss all those people I …

I never get to bed when I want.

y'know, today was a good day.

In my last entry I said that I wasn't sure how everything I was talking about related, but that I knew, deep down that it did.

Today, I saw the connections.
It'll take a bit of explaining, but stay with me.

I finished the only …

one day you'll see her, and you'll know what I mean.

Funny story, today I:

1. woke up & realized I slept on an umbrella all night
2. put my shirt on backwards and didn't notice until the last hour of work
3. cut all my nails, but forgot one pinky.

It's just that kind of day. I think my mind has been elsewhere …

ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time.

This was a surprisingly good weekend, considering the fact that the only person I hang out with was in Vegas...haha.

Friday night I went to see the Simpsons movie by myself. It was entertaining (both the fact that I went alone and the movie, I mean).

Yesterday I …

I don't know where it landed, but I'm guessing between green and gray.

On the train ride home this evening, I read the paper.

I want so badly to shake the world awake.

South Korean hostages killed in Afghanistan, the Roslindale mother who killed her own children and tried to kill herself but failed, the Southie man who raped a 67 …

there's no place to hide, but i don't think i'm scared.

After the past week, I kind of almost sort of miss...the winter.

Strange. I've been avidly anti-winter most of my life. I still prefer the warmth of summer and spring and fall...but the past few days I've just wanted to see the world covered in white and be …

a rainy day.

Mmm. Some rainy days are just perfect.

I spent all day with elementary school children that were so scatter-brained today that it was shocking how much work we were able to accomplish. Children are funny, and might be the best thing in the world.

I saw grey …

dreaming of what could be.

Tonight J.Shea and I laughed a lot about the fact that we have no idea what happened to all our friends. We only ever hang out with each other, and sometimes Caitlin.

It is funny and sad.

I must not forget to sign up for the Praxis II, and find/mail my Praxis I …

I never had all the answers; I never had enough time.

It's a really nice day outside, I'm grateful for that.

But I must admit that today I feel sad. Luigi and I are finally confronting the fact that things have changed considerably. I'm not really happy in our relationship anymore, for many reasons. If we are going …

I notice my mind is on the floor, but I must move onward.

I've been doing a lot of (maybe TOO much) thinking lately. What else is new?

Most of it I've already discussed with myself...via livejournal (I'm so hip...or crazy), but there are some Word files sitting on my desktop that I simply couldn't bring myself to publish …

the power to be.

The fog in my head might be clearing, if only just slightly.

The past few weeks I've felt as though someone replaced my usual rose-colored glasses with lenses of another color-some sort of unclear, confusing color-and then smeared the whole bit with vaseline. And …