Aging is inevitable. Maturing is not. Some people are older than their age, others sadly younger. As I near 40 I'm starting to realize that I've actually grown up, matured, without being old.

The problem with aging is that your experiences fill you to the point of apathy. You've seen, heard and imbibed so much of life that the edges become dull. The excitement turns into an unhealthy realism. You begin to form your educated guesses on everything, and lose the joy of surprise, of newness and wonder. You can never gain your innocence or naivity back, but you condition yourself to accept life and still embrace the unknown.

While I might be older, and watching my parents age and change, and life continue to batter me around with blindside jabs I should never allow that to burnish my joy. For as horrible, depressed, dysfunctional and hurtful as we all are (as human beings) there is always room for surprise. Amazing kindess. Amazing grace. Though I've lost my edge, dulled by years of battling, I choose to ignore my rumblings for pessimism and realism and embrace unknown. It makes life richer.