XoMcrSavedMyLifeOx
23 years old
Maryland, American Samoa
Female
About
Hey my name is Niki. Let me tell you a little bit about myself I am 14 years old I love music my favorit ban in the world is my chemical romance i would not be abel to live
without them the help me through my darkest hours. I think that the T Write Love One Her Arms is one of the best oranazations in the world every one needs some one to love them. The story behind this organization is so beautiful I mean I know it is full of tragity but I think that what is happing now is a beautiful thing she is serounded by people who love and care for her and that is so sweet that no one gave up hope and helped her to get better.
Likes(1)
Music
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, The Used, The Red Jumpsuit..., Escape The Fate, Paramore, Flyleaf, The Academy is..., H.I, M, Linkin Park, Madina lake, Bullet For My Valintine, Hawthorn Hights, UnderOath, The Almost, Aiden, 30 Sceonds To Mars, Three Days Grace, Armor For Sleep,
J.A.F. Lover, Dec 15, 2007:
Yeah.. its really is ironic.. but interesting because I think if more people understood, they would respect us more...
And and interesting thing is that one of my friends never understood why I didn't like to be touched.. even knowing what happened to me... and then in 8th grade it happened to her.. and she came up to me and tearfully apologized because now she actually knew why I did certain things I did and why I didn't want to be touched... and she was crying.. because it hurt her so much knowing that she would poke fun of me not wanting to be touched.. but now she was the same way
And yeah your right.. I don't usually show it.. I usually just let it go.. but it really does hurt.. and people don't really understand or see that
Lol.. a lot of people don't like me either... but I don't really care.. though im more popular than most.. because I have like 30 friends in each category... preppy, jock, emo, punk, skater, cheerleaders, goths, nerds... I don't just limit myself to one group, which ends up getting me more friends than not..
That's kinda opposite of me though that you have more guy friends.. most all my friends are girls.. I have maybe 10 guys friends.. compared to the like 500 girl friends... but then again.. idont really like being around guys.. and im not scared of girls.. so.. yeah
J.A.F. Lover, Dec 14, 2007:
yeah... I know... and hopefully you can fully stop that sometime, and for a while too!! Wow... you get called the same thing?? That's absurd... I think its such a mean thing to say to someone, especially when they aren't even a lesbian at all... People call me that... but eventually it bites them in the butt cause like my one best friend I used to have used to call me that... and I never really expressed to her how bad it mad me feel... and now that were not friends and wont ever be again because of a few reasons... I thought I would show her how bad it would make her feel.. cause I think to demonstrate it to someone is the best way to show the damage it does... so her and her new best friend hang out a lot right?? So everytime im around them I say awwww you two look cute cause no one really likes them now because of what she said and did to me... and im just like whens to wedding and stuff like that.. which is mean.. but I don't say it to the average person.. shes someone who deserves to hear it...
and I feel the whole touching thing is one of the biggest reasons I don't like having a boyfriend or really anyone too close to me.. because its just awkward and theres something in me that tells me its so wrong...
but im sorry to hear about that boy... that really sucks he would just up and drop you like that... im sure that was rough... lol.. and I think we all have our psychotic side.. some just make it more apparent... lol... I get called that sometimes though.. people just know my past is messed up and like the effects the medication I was on had on me.. and just the parents I have to live with.. so its more of an accepted psychoticness...
J.A.F. Lover, Dec 13, 2007:
Yeah so do I.. But the likeliness that even if they stop... they most likely still wont understand.. Which is sad.. But its something I've come to terms with.. And yeah.. I really didn't feel comfortable at all.. And it sucks cause people wonder why I don't like guys or girls.. And I get called a lesbian a lot cause I wont explain myself... and like.. I wont give my parents hugs.. And basically all I do is high five people.. Because I just don't like that bodily touch by anyone.. Sometimes a big hug is nice but other than that nothing feels good..
And I mean don't live your life in fear that it might happen... just because I had it happen to me when I was young.. Doesn't mean that it will happen to you... but what was the secret you told him??? Was it that you hurt yourself or what??
But that's good that you found someone you could really get close to... hopefully someday ill be able to find that person..
And yeah.. that's kind of an automatic reaction of mine too.. cause I really don't like having anyone touch me.. my dad will play around with me and I never see it as funny.. it bugs me to no end..
Lol.... But that's really funny how defensive you get!! I would do the same thing.. cept im scared to get mad at people.. its weird.. I don't think ive ever really been mad at anyone cept my parents..
J.A.F. Lover, Dec 11, 2007:
Oh don't worry about it.. its fine!!... I would wanna get singstar too, but I cant sing lol.. but that's cool!!... and yeah idk.. me and my parents just don't agree on anything.. and its just always a fight.. so I tend to try and look at it in a more humorous way!!... and im excited to go on the vacation cause ill get to see my cousin!!.. yeah I just got braces on today!!! Im not sure if I got good colors though.. idk.. I take a long time to get used to something.. and yeah.. ihate that about guys too... it just made me really uncomfortable... so I thought it would be best.. and yeah.. that's odd cause im the same way.. like if someone touches me I just wanna be like.. can you stop.. cause it justmakes me feel bad ... I just don't like it at all.. and yeah I know.. I hope I find a guy I really want!!... Newho.. what are you up to?? How are you doing??
We didn't have school cause of the huge ice storm here.. and im not sure if we'll have school tomorrow
J.A.F. Lover, Dec 4, 2007:
yeah.. its totally fine that you have been busy.. so have i... i really want to learn guitar.. and you mentioning it only makes me want to learn it more!!... i think i might be getting guitar hero 3 and rock band for christmas.. and i guess i get to go with my family now.. but they make me feel bad cause im not worth the cost of the ticket.. im glad you had a good thanksgiving!!! how have you been doing otherwise?? i just got spacers in today.. which made me cry.. they hurt so dang bad!!! and i get braces on next tuesday... and then a week after that the bottom ones.. i ended up breaking up with my boyfriend for a few reasons.. he couldnt accept the fact that my parents couldnt know.. he always wanted me to go to church with him... he also always wanted tomake out and i hated that.. i just felt bad when he touched me.. it made me feel uncomfortable
newho... whats new with you... good to hear from you!!
J.A.F. Lover, Nov 21, 2007:
Yeah..id have to fully agree. It gets you thinking and when your mad or upset you want to vent.. and when you vent you usually have a lot of good things to say that you ordinarily wouldn't say if you weren't upset... and that's good.. you should send me the songs while hes not around... and I guess now it turns out im able to go for Christmas.. but im getting yelled at cause the tickets are too expensive and they don't think I deserve to go.. so idk.. it sucks they don't want me to go but at least I am.. and I love my cousin whos down there... shes like my best friend!!
But newho.. whats up.. got any plans for thanksgiving??
Today I got the surgery on my mouth ... the six teeth pulled.. they put me to sleep and my whole mouth is completely swollen.. I can hardly talk.. and if I try it sounds really funny.. but that's all that's new with me... did I tell you I got a boyfriend?? I don't remember??
J.A.F. Lover, Nov 18, 2007:
well sometimes writing about things comes easiest at the hardest times of our life.. I always find it easiest to write when im mad or upset.. it just gets me thinking
but hopefully youll get better at the guitar.. I love guitar.. and that would be cool if you got it down
well the only thing with the teeth im worried about is afterwards.. like the day after which is thanksgiving how bad they will hurt... agh...
yeah.. you enjoy yourself this break... I just got some dumb news.. I guess since me and my family fight.. they are all going down to see my dieing grandma in Oregon and I have to stay back for Christmas.. so ill be having Christmas by myself which is making me quite sad
but ill read your songs... I bet ill like them!!
J.A.F. Lover, Nov 18, 2007:
Yeah I know..
And I'm glad it does that for you... I wish I could write... that would be so amazing ... you should record some so I could listen to them... I'm sure I would like them.. What are some of the topics you write about??? What are some of the titles??? I used to play percussion and drums.. But guitar is soooo cool.. I wish I could play it!!
I think I'm going to my grandmas and grandpas for thanksgiving.. but that's cool youll be going to your cousins... and yeah.. about my teeth.. im really nervous for it.. but it means I get a lot of ice cream so its not all that bad
In my lifetime ive has about 10 teeth pulled.. but not so many at one time which is the nervous part... that's good you got your braces off though.. I have to get them on the 11th and 18th ... haha.. and I love my retainer.. it was so cool.. I loved picking the design..
That's really cool though about your music.. I would love to hear some of the lyrics.. if you wouldn't mind showing them to me.. I mainly write poems and stuff.. I like rhyming things... but I love listening to music... newho.. have a nice break!!!
J.A.F. Lover, Nov 17, 2007:
Yeah... I'm hoping it will too... and after the most fight filled week yet... we're starting to talk and slowly apologize and work it out...
You write music?? That's pretty awesome... what type of music do you write?? Be sure to enjoy it though
Haha... I think I'm having a concert withdrawal too lol... I really want to go to a concert really bad
No I didn't... What happened???
Newho... Got any Turkey Day Plans?? I get to have 6 teeth pulled the day before... because I'm getting braces on the 11th of December and bottom ones on the 18th YAY... this will be the 2nd time I've had braces on.
Throw The Fight, Nov 12, 2007:
Thanks! We really appreciate it. If you want to be on our mailing list, just send me your email address. That way you'll know when we'll be around. Don't forget to download our free track, as well. Talk to you soon.
-Ryan