My amazing girlfriend and I just arrived in Miami. We're currently sitting/sleeping on a sofa in the lobby of the Cadet Hotel in Miami Beach - quite a nice place, i might add. It's 6:33 am here, our flight landed at 5, and I'm typing this out on my iPhone while we're waiting until our room becomes available (long story involving a car show).

The flight we just came off of was a flashback to the days of feathery hair and screamy Metallica, courtesy of the renowned American Airlines. While we're waiting for a superior manager to come in at 7 and tell us we have to wait 6 more hours, here are the top 5 reasons to believe AA thinks it's still 1985:

1. The condition of the plane... Imagine a hardcore Mets fan who hasn't stopped wearing his threadbare New York jersey, even though it's hanging in grotesque, discolored rags off his unwashed carcass. Or an aging Van Halen fan who hasn't trimmed his stained, greying hair since he bought his first Gremlin. That's pretty much the gist.

2. The tv screens. They were like the old VGA monitors we used to play Oregon Trail on in 4th grade. Whoa.

3. The safety video playing on this dino tv. Speaking of 4th grade.

4. The safety pamphlet in the seat back pocket. I've been on a virgin flight, and those pamphlets are stylin'. These were the safety pamphlets time forgot. I'm talking full-bore photos of dudes in art-deco sweatshirts and girls with big hair. Hilarious.

5. And finally... It's freaking American Airlines, the generic, bland, old lady airline that hasn't changed anything but it's prices in 20 years. I used to fly to grampa's house on their planes, and I'm pretty sure I got the same pillow. Oh well, at least the pilot was good.