It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've wrote anything down. My life is busy. Filled with business related things that I'm told are normal. I run a race against time, relationships, and most often the date in which my rent is due. Not my idea of a good circumstance.

If life is "what we make it" and/or "life is what Christ has purposed our life to be then why is it so hard to reach the goal of knowing. Of knowing what, you might ask. Of knowing anything. Of knowing that God is actually there. Of knowing that I will be in love and loved one day. Of knowing that I'm not wasting my time here on earth.

Yes! I do believe that I have a purpose. Yes! I believe that is it already known and that Christ is leading through, or maybe to, it.

Ok, enough for now. I'm really tired....

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Searching for the next step......

I've been praying and thinking recently about my future and my past. My livelihood, the why I make money, has always been just that, a way to make money. I've often wondered why I end up hating most jobs and why I seem to get bored fairly easy so desiring another position somewhere else.

It's simply, my hearts not in it.

I can put my heart into any job and I do it almost everyday. I give it my all and strive to work as hard and as efficient as possible, but my heart doesn't desire the work. I simply work to make the money and in the process try to fulfill the passions of my soul by serving the ones I work with and the customers.

I don't want it to feel like a job anymore. I want to have a passion for something and give it everything I have. To spend 40+ hours a week involved in something greater than a paycheck.

I think most of us are searching for this whether you know it or not. I don't have the answers partly because everyone's passions and gifts are different and partly because I don't know what this looks like for me. I simply asking my Father which way He wants me to step next.

Money should never be the issue but my mind can become enslaved by the constant struggle to make ends meet. Even so, I believe that if I follow my Father and have faith that the mess I'm in is His mess and not mine, I will find freedom. My responsibility is to have constant conversation with Him, learning more of who He is therefore hearing his guidance. I long to serve Christ and let go of the lies that appear in our world of money and success. They mean nothing unless Christ is directing.

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Guess It's Time To Move On...

Well, I've been planning it for 2 1/2 years and it looks like it's here. Friday, February 15th, I am moving to Nashville, TN. If you didn't already know, I graduated from Full Sail in May of 2007 and have been trying to find my place in the music industry every since. I still don't know where my place is but it looks like it will start in Nashville.

My emotions don't seem to be in line for a move like this. It's not just any move. It will be the first time I've packed everything not planning on returning to Greenville, SC. The only place I've ever really wanted to live was Greenville. I can't explain my love for this place. Everything captivates me. No place has ever felt more like home, not even the town I grew up in.

But, it hasn't sank in yet. There's not much joy about moving to "Music City", USA and there's not much sadness about leaving this city. Something just doesn't feel right. I'm ready, but I'm also not ready. Weird. I sit hear not trying to explain it in word to type, but to try and decode it for myself. Why? Why no excitement? Why no sadness? For the first time I'm ok with either staying or going. I would rather do both.

I wonder when it will hit me. I wonder when I will discover that some of the greatest people in the world are back in Greenville. As redneck as it sounds, I know I'll miss the tree lights downtown. Don't tell anyone, there my favorite.

I've been going out of my way to go see people and tell them goodbye in hopes that it would stir up something, some emotion, but nothing. I will miss this place greatly and my friends more than comprehend, but now there is nothing.

I will start packing tomorrow. I was going to start today but I just didn't get around to it. I will be glad to be "settled" for a while. Knowing that I'm probably not moving and that Nashville will be my home.

Thought I could find more words tonight.....

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Random Thoughts from a not so Random Day

I usually don't write blogs and there's a reason. I wasn't raised with the importance of the English language so the way I express myself in words is no were close to what I'm feeling inside. I guess I'm like Moses: "Have someone speak for me". But sometimes, mostly late at night when I'm feeling less confident in my ability to hold it all in, I feel like stating everything thats going on. I'm actually really glad that doesn't happen, because there are things about the grey matter that no one needs to know.

Tonight, I'm thinking about the things that matter most to me at this point. I was ask today, "if you had only one thing to do before you die what would it be". First of all, WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?! Second, I don't think I have an answer. I know the things that are most important to me right now, but if given only one more opportunity to act selfishly on this earth I don't think I could come up with one. I mean, I'm sure I would pick something, but not the one thing that beats everything else.

I thought about my goals now and my goals for the next ten years. I can put most of these goals into single words which may make it easier, but would not do it justice. Here are a few:

-Knowing God so deeply and honestly by the time my life is over that He makes the statement: "Zac lived ? full years and he walked with God". This is how I want to know my Father.

-Get to the point in my career were I fulfill my two current career goals:
****Go to sleep at night not worrying about how the next bill is going to be paid or how I will provide the next meal for my wife and kids
****Waking in the morning loving what I do for a living

-Discover real true selfless honest love that is presented in the form of a beautiful wife and make gorgeous babies that I invest my life in

-Become debt free!!!!

-Purchase large plot of land by the ocean, build a house there myself, maybe have horses and a dog and a cat, and learn to surf

-Generously give back to those who have helped me along the way and those that are struggling to fulfill there passions

I 'm still thinking about it, but I don't think I could pick one thing right now. Maybe you know what you would do. I think the point of a question like this is to remind us whats really important to use right now, today. How am I living each day to it's fullest? What haven't I said today that needs to be said? Who haven't I seen in a while that I need to go see? What is it about life that motivates me for tomorrow? It can't all be about whats going to happen tomorrow. What about what's happening today? What's happening now as you read this? Who do you need to walk up to, with the most honest and humble face, and say.....I love you? Maybe it's romantic, maybe its family, maybe its just a friend.

Now that I think about it, if I had one more thing to do before I die I think it would be to discover this real true selfless honest love that I so boldly speak of. Man was designed to look for and expect love. This can be a huge way that God shows us who he is. How has love become so distorted?

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