We were sitting at the table eating breakfast when she asked me if I thought she would be happy without me. It's not usually a question you ask someone. (say that question out loud) Coincidentally it's not a question I am ever prepared to answer. (try to answer that yourself) The toast I was eating tasted really dry on my lips all of a sudden, and the grape jelly didn't taste as good as it used to. Instantly I remembered someone once told me that she hated everything grape flavored excpet grapes themselves, and that made me laugh when I heard it. But this time it almost made me cry.....

I tried to continue talking, pretending as if I didn't hear her question. But the first thing that came to my mind (after the grape statement) was the words "Fuck" and "No." So instead of changing the subject and pretending to not hear her, as I originally intended, the only thing that came out of my mouth were those two words. Fuck and No........

Fuck and NO you would not be happy without me. Fuck and No I am not a little grape that you can just enjoy as a fruit, but not as jelly. Fuck and NO will I be left here with just memories of you and extra rent payments, and colored sheets and healthy food and herbal essences shampoo and fergie records and books of haikus about how I met you, kept you, loved you, fucked you, lost you and hated you.....

I felt like maybe she tought of me as my friend thinks of grapes. She hated everything about me, except me. And though I would like to think that it made no sense at all at the time, it makes complete sense now. Now that she is happy, now that her scent scares the boogers out of my nose, now that she left me a check for rent, now that she didn't care that my answer was fuck no, now that i make run on sentences when i write and I don't care if it sucks, now that haikus write themselves on my wall when im drunk, now that, now that , now that grape jelly tastes like shit, but i still love grapes.